Miracles to Claim

After that last post, I paced the house like a caged animal - sobbing with my hands on my head.

I finally collapsed to my knees in the dining room begging God for mercy . . .

As it all started to pass, I sat down on the floor with my legs out in front in a "V".

Buckley, my 90 pound mutt, walked up and sat between my legs with his chest pressed up against mine - the dawggie version of a hug.

Then he curled up on the floor in between my legs and licked my hands and arms and legs - the dawggie version of "It's going to be okay, dad."

Then, for no apparant reason, I went into the bathroom and shaved off the stubble beard I have been sporting for the past few years.

So why share all this? Doesn't it seem like a little "TMI"? (Too Much Information)

I will get to that later . . .

When I got up this morning, the wife had written out the following verse for me:

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves
and breakers
have swept over me.

By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"

My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

- Psalm 42:7-11

So while we are hoping and praying and wishing for a miracle for little Annabelle, it might be a good idea to acknowledge the miracles already taking place.

Friends of ours from Jr. High and High School and College are getting in touch with us. People we have not spoken to in years. And they are getting back in touch with each other - all united by this common cause. That is a miracle.

People have told me that they have not prayed in years or have never prayed, for that matter, and are praying now. That is a miracle.

In my life, I don't think I have ever known a child to be so loved by so many before she is even born. That is a miracle.

Our due date is August 27th - just 4 1/2 months away. I can't wait to hold her. And when I finally do, it will be like holding a friend of ours whom we have all known for a long while but are seeing in person for the first time. That is a miracle.

So why all this in-your-face openess and honesty?

Because I have to believe that all this pain is not in vain.

Some day - maybe next week, month or year - you may run into someone who is going through a similar situation and if/when you do, perhaps you will tell them, "Do you know about the story of Annabelle?"

And you can direct them to this blog with the silly name and tell them to click on the "Annabelle" topic on the right and they will know they are not alone.

They will know that others have felt "bad about feeling better". They will know that they don't have to accept the doctor they are referred to. They will know that having an unraveling moment of grief and despair does not mean you have lost all hope - it just means that it hurts. That's all.

My prayer is that when that person reads these words some time in the future - their head will start to clear and their heart will start to heal. And that will be yet another miracle.