About Doctors - Part 1

First of all, thank you again for all your prayers and support. It is such a blessing to check my e-mail and to have an inbox full of hope and encouragement.

We have been getting so many miracle-baby stories that I thought I would start posting them here as they come in. I hope they bless you as they are blessing the wife and I.

Please keep them coming. I don't know how the wife and I could handle all this without your support.

Well. On to thoughts about yesterday . . .

I don't know too many people who are impressed by titles and title of "doctor" is no different. There is a point in your life when you realize that doctors are grease monkeys - they just work on bodies instead of cars.

Of course, I don't really feel that way - exactly. But I do a little. Medicine is a blend of art and science and faith.

The science part is easy: Flip on the ultrasound, squeeze gel on the abdomen and start scanning

The art portion is a little harder: Exactly how do you manipulate the ultrasound to get the best view? What tricks do you know to get the baby to cooperate?

The faith portion is harder still - not only harder but much more subjective: How do you convey to the parents what you are seeing? How do you tell them bad news understanding that they are going to want to seek out treatments that may or not be available? How do you give them bad news that may tear their world apart without crushing their spirits?

A month or so ago, my wife was talking with a client of hers who does therapeutic pregnancy massage. As you can imagine, she deals with a lot of patients, nurses and doctors. They got on the subject of "good doctors" and my wife's client became adamant about her personal "black list" of doctors. One in particular was her "king-hell-effinmier" doctor to be avoided at all costs.

My wife did not recognize the name but wrote it down anyway.

My wife has been seeing the same doctor for a few years now and she absolutely loves her. Her doctor is one member of a four member medical practice and we were saddened to learn that she is ending her practice here and moving "home" to the Midwest.

Obviously, this created an amount of uncertainty for my wife but she was relieved to meet one of the other doctors at the practice whom she likes very much and so the plan is continue to go to this same medical group - for now.

Because my wife will be over 35 on the day of delivery, her doctor scheduled us to see a specialist down the hall for a more in-depth sonogram (this past Monday). When my wife heard the name of the doctor, the hair stood up on the back of her neck. It was the doctor she had been warned about.

The wife and I discussed it and we decided that we were going to make our own judgements. After all, she is just doing an ultrasound (the science bit) - it's not like she is going to be our doctor or anything. We went to our first appointment this past Monday trying to keep open minds.

The sonographer did her best to get a good view of the spine despite jamming the ultrasound deep into my wife's abdomen. As I mentioned before, she had my wife lay one way and then another. At one point she put her hand on my wife's belly and shook it pretty hard in an attempt to get little Annabelle to turn over. All to no avail.

During the ultrasound, she mentioned vary matter-of-factly that our daughter had a club foot. Our world was beginning to shatter . . .

She then mentioned that she "thought" it was a girl - "yeah, pretty sure it is a girl" - "we're calling it a girl" . . . . um . . . .

Then she mentioned matter-of-factly that the spine was not normal but she would not talk to us about it - that was the doctor's job.

The sonographer consulted with the doctor who came in and and took us through the findings. She spoke in absolutes - your daughter will never walk.

I got the distinct impression that this is prideful person who really enjoys being in charge. A person for whom title and position really mean something. I usually do not get along with those people . . .

My wife began to unravel at the news and the doctor gently took my wife's hand and expressed how sorry she was. But I felt like something was not right . . .

She didn't seem sincere - which I can understand. If you are a doctor who has to deliver this kind of news everyday it would be very hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable every time. But there was more . . . .

I got the impression that she relished her power to deliver news that totally up-ends people's lives . . . I got the impression that on a certain level, she was enjoying this . . .

She asked if termination of the pregnancy was an option for us and we said "no".

SNAP OUT OF IT. I was letting my thoughts run away with themselves . . . I had just been dealt a severe blow and I needed to be there for my wife.

I didn't mention any of my feelings to the wife afterwards - we had enough to deal with . . .