To me coffee is the morning version of the martini. Martini's are made with Gin (or Vodka) period. You may want to add an olive, perhaps a twist (or if your over 70, an onion) a mist of vermouth is acceptable. But when you start adding fluorescent-colored schnapps and fruit juice, you may have a perfectly delightful drink - but don't call it a martini. "Appletini" is an oxy-moron.
What started me on this tirade this morning? Lileks:
"I took (G)Nat to the Convention Grill tonight, something we’d been putting off for a long time. I begged the waitress for some coffee, and she said it might be a while; they had to make some. I wanted to bring out my copy of the National American Restaurant Charter, an important document written in 1912, which states, without preamble, codicils, amendments or secret protocols that there shall always be coffee available to succor the needy and enbrisken the spirits. One could say that the assertion of immediate coffee as a right, not a boon to be granted at the owner’s whims, was one of the founding concepts of American restaurants, and one of the things that made this country great. If a bit jittery. We’ve gotten away from the idea, what with the Starbucks paradigm and the general acceptance of standing and waiting for your coffee drink to be assembled from raw materials. It’s a bad sign. A nation that always has a hot pot on the Bunn-o-Matic burner is a nation that can deal with Hitler."Well said. Which leads me to my beef with Starbucks.
I have no problem with the corporate behemoth gobbling up all the "coffeetini" market share in any given market. After all, Starbucks started as a mom and pop in Seattle and I suspect most mom and pop's would give their eye-teeth to build their single store into a world-wide empire. You want to compete? Build a better "coffeetini" for less in a more pleasing environment.
My problem with Starbucks is the "medium (or whatever they call it) half-calf, half-decalf, caramel macchiato, with extra foam on the side, extra hot, in a large cup, with an extra heat sleeve, handed to my left hand by your right hand. Oh, and I am in a hurry".
AND THEY MAKE IT WITH A SMILE.
Anyone that steps up to the counter and spouts out such self-absorbed nonsense ought to be backhanded and sent packing (which is probably why most mom and pops can't compete).
"If you don't like it - just don't go there" I can hear you sigh.
I will confess that I do go there about 4 or 5 times a year. Usually to order a Latte to calm my stomach after a night of abusing my digestive system. It's not what goes on at the counter that is the problem. It is how it effects MY JOB AT THE OFFICE.
It used to be sufficient for us to do good work, expeditiously, and then mail or fax the required documents to the appropriate parties. Thanks to Starbucks, I now have grown adults telling me that it is not good enough that they received the required documents, they want them e-mailed as well. To five different parties. And then a hard copy messengered but to someone else's address. And if I overnight something - use UPS, not Fedex, as three years ago the Fedex man heaved a heavy sigh when I asked him to place the packages right-side up with the colored lines perpendicular to my ego . . .
Not a big deal, I suppose. IF YOU ONLY HAVE ONE PIN-HEADED CLIENT TO DEAL WITH. But multiply that by 50 or 60 - all with different preferences. I actually had someone complain yesterday that I had e-mailed all the correct documents to her but not to her assistant as well. Presumably because she is incapable of forwarding e-mails within her own organization.
These are the same people who call up and need urgent action on the "Smith" file. "No, I don't have the file order number . . . No, I don't know the property address . . . No, I can't remember their first name or mine, for that matter . . . Can't you just look it up?"
"Sure, but right now I am forwarding an e-mail to your assistant . . ." I reply.
*sigh*
I blame Starbucks.
= Don't mind me - I haven't had my first cup of COFFEE yet this morning . . .=
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