S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G

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We spent Saturday night in Oceanside and the spent a lazy Sunday morning chatting over bagels. It may have just been me but it seemed like all we talked about that morning was babies, babies, BABIES! Booo Baby.

I finally grabbed a beer and headed into the backyard to read and play with the dawg in silence. And yes, I had a beer at 10am on a Sunday morning. So sue me. (Hey, I'm drinking for two now . . .)

Eventually we all packed up and grabbed some lunch at a fish house at the beach before it was our sorrowful duty to take our Seattle friends to the airport.

Having dropped them at the ticket counter, the wife and I were truly alone for the first time since discovering we are pregnant.

I suggested that we drive to Target and just browse the baby section. Let's see what we are up against . . .

If you have never had a child, browsing the baby section of Target is like going to a Chinese Supermarket for the first time. Most of what you see makes no sense what-so-ever. Some of the things that look vaguely familiar are, in fact, something completely different from what you think they are and they have the power to possibly KILL YOU if prepared incorrectly.

Of the few things you do recognize, telling the difference between one and the other is utterly impossible. Not to mention that everything is written in CHINESE.

I stood there in mystificusion in the car seat aisle. I know a car seat when I see one. But I had no idea what the difference between one car seat and another was . . . They all looked fairly similar and as I was about to come to the conclusion that it probably didn't make any difference which one we purchased, it occured to me . . .

One of the these car seats is a spring-loaded death trap painted in lead paint and covered with highly combustable fabric that will be recalled exactly one month after your child is born . . . make your move "Big Daddy" your unborn infant's life is hanging in the balance . . .

That's when I started heading for the door . . . .

The wife and I have set a rule that anytime we walk into a baby store, we can buy a maximum of one thing for the baby.

She bought this at Target:

*Warning* Ill-informed all-knowing spewage about to commence in

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So about all this baby shopping . . .

For starters, as far as it is in me and the wife's control, our baby will grow up happy, healthy and well adjusted.

Our baby may not have the newest IPod-friendly car seat and matching jogger / stroller / espresso-maker (but it would be nice).

Our baby may not even have the most attractive nursery (at least it would match the rest of our wreck of a house).

And we may not be carrying around the latest in cucumber-soggy-bottom diaper-bags (my wife has a his and hers set picked out).

We may have to wrap our baby in old t-shirts and carry it around over our shoulder with a plastic grocery sack of diapers tied to our wrists.

But come He** or high water, the baby will be clothed, fed, have shelter and two parents who love it not necessarily as the center of their universe but something very close to it.

I have no doubt that the $200 Baby Trend Sienna Expedition LX Jogger Travel System (my personal favorite only because it just looks bitchen AND is IPod-friendly) would be a great help in terms of convenience. But the child will live a happy, healthy, well adjusted life without it.

At some point, all these baby purchases are more about the comfort and convenience of the parents rather than the well-being of the child. Don't get me wrong, I want comfort and convenince for my own sake but there is some relief in knowing that many of these things are wants of the parents and not needs of the child.

There is also some comfort in knowing that we are just about the last in our social circle to have a child and we could probably go the first three years strictly on hand-me-downs from friends, in any case.

I just need to be d**ned sure to pick the right car seat . . . .