Evil Arbitrary Death Trap Monkeys

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I came home Valentine's night sicker than I have been in some time. I just couldn't take it any more.

In the past two weeks I started a new job, found out my wife is pregnant, hosted friends for a week, had the first ultrasound where the critter "waved" at me, went to a wedding and worked 13 hour days trying to pry my clients away from the old company. And now the sickness on Valentine's Day. The wheels were coming off my wagon . . .

I came home determined to nuke the illness, eat some Mexican take out and go to bed.

The first thing I did when I got home was take a couple of sleep-aid pills. Because for the love of all that is holy I just need some blessed sleep! *sob*

A chased those two pills with a couple of Benadryl because I was getting whiplash from all the sneezing and if my nose didn't stop running I was going to go the wrestler route and jam a tampon up each nostril.

I cracked open one of the Belgian Style Ales that the wife gave me because it was a holiday afterall and if anyone deserved a beer at this point it was me.

I smothered my burrito in Tobasco in the belief that spicy food helps fight all manner of ailments.

At one point in the evening the wife looked at me and said my whole body had turned bright red.

Hmmm . . maybe sleeping pills and Benandryl followed by mexican food drenched in Tobasco all washed down with a Belgian beer wasn't such a good idea . . . best to have some chocolate ice cream just to be on the safe side . . .

I went to bed and the night terrors began.

Here is my wife's version:

She came to bed and we had the following exchange:

Me: He is the death trap. He is the death trap!

Wife: He is? Who is?

Me: The skinny guy

Wife: The skinny guy?

Me: The arbitrary guy

Wife: Oh

I have no idea what that was all about - but I do remember my dream . . . there was a classroom of little children sitting on a rug and a small monkey came into the room and started attacking one of the children.

I rushed in and grabbed the monkey by the arm and dragged it out of the room into a near-by bedroom. I flung the monkey into the room and as I did it scurried under the bed but not before turning into some sort of demon monkey with a contorted face that screamed at me (picture Gollum in the Lord of the Rings) I jumped into mid air intending to stomp on the creature with both feet and the whole scene froze a-la The Matrix.

That's when I woke up.

Hoya. I stayed awake for a while after that one . . .

Good thing we have a three-day weekend coming up . . .