Gifts vs Abilities

I have only involuntarily lost a job twice in my life, once in 1987, when the physical therapy department I clerked for was bought by another service provider and this past Tuesday, 21 years later. Which can bring a certain amount of reflection upon a person.

I have a bachelor's degree in Theology. I spent about a decade in para-church and churched ministry as a youth pastor / associate pastor and guest speaker before "burning out". Having always been told I would be good at sales, I became a Real Estate agent in downtown Seattle for 4 years - earning awards for the revenue I generated. Upon moving back to Southern California, I was hired by a title company in their escrow department and have been in escrow ever since.

But is that what I want to do? Is that what I should do? Do I even have a choice?

There is a fair amount of talk in church circles about "finding your gifts" and by "gifts" people usually mean that special set of talents and abilities that God has given you to not only succeed in life but to be truly fulfilled and in the process further the cause of good in our society.

I used to believe that all abilities were gifts.

I have one of those organizational minds that naturally sees how to bring order out of disorder and streamline cumbersome processes (if you have ever seen the movie Stranger than Fiction, their depiction of Will Farrell's thought processes makes me feel like I am looking at myself on the screen). This is one of the reasons escrow seems to be a natural choice - tons of confusing paperwork? Millions of dollars cris-crossing to different parties? Everyone completely beside themselves with stress? No problem.

For some time I naturally assumed that my administrative abilities were a gift that I needed to use.

About 10 years ago, as the administrative realities of church ministry began to weigh on me and I found myself pushing paper more often than ministering to people, I lamented my feelings to a fellow pastor. Why wasn't I sensing that fulfillment that I had expected from ministry?

My friend then explained to me that just because you have a natural aptitude for something does not mean it is a gift - it could just be an ability. He went on to explain that an ability is something you are good at - a skill, a disposition, a natural inclination towards certain types of work based on your personality and thought processes. Only it doesn't fulfill you. It doesn't energize you. You may well have an exceptional ability but it is not necessarily a gift. In fact, you may have an ability that you are better at performing than your actual gifts.

A gift is all those things that an ability is only the more you do it, the more you want to keep doing it. Far from depleting you, the work energizes you and inspires you. The lines between life and work become blurred in a healthy way to the point it becomes hard to discern where one ends and the other begins.

What are my abilities? Sales, organization, ability to service people in a high-stress environment.

But what are the things that truly energize me? What are my gifts? As far as I can tell, the things that give me the most joy are reading, writing, guest speaking, ministering to others in a temporary setting such as a retreat, camp or convention.

Most people make a living with their abilities and a life with their gifts. And that's okay. As far as I can tell, those whose gifts intersect with a job that pays the bills and puts food on the table are in a decided minority. I think most of us use our abilities to provide for our families and if we are lucky, to provide opportunities to use our gifts in the off hours.

It may not be how we want it to be and it may not be how things "should be" but I think most of us in that vast majority will agree that is how things are most of the time. No point in complaining. You might as well shout to the wind that "Life is not fair!". Well, we all know that - but that doesn't mean that life can't still be beautiful.

If memory serves, Jesus disciples were made up of professional fishermen, a tax collector and others - even Paul made tents for a living.

I have no idea if escrow is where I am going to end up but it would be a logical assumption (marketplace dynamics aside). That being said, I am trying my best to keep all options open and my heart attentive to God's leading.

Who knows, this just might be an opportunity to land a job that uses not just my abilities but my gifts as well.

A good number of readers have e-mailed requesting my resume for themselves and friends and friends of friends and my plan is to send a copy to anyone that would like to see it. If you are interested, just let me know.

Of course, when it comes to brass tacks, I would shovel manure in a snowstorm if it's what I had to do to provide for the family.

That would be an ability - not a gift - by the way . . .