Ok, so Annabelle is sleeping, and I just went in to check on her... you know, hear her breathe...the usual crazy mom stuff. I SWEAR I love her so much I sometimes feel I'm going to PASS OUT. You think I'm being funny? My eyes welled up typing that. I remember thinking I didn't know if I could handle being a mom for this very reason. Knowing this very thing about my personality. Being afraid of feeling THAT much. So glad I didn't listen to the nonsense in my head. I have been transformed on the matter. Transformed into not caring how much I feel because I get to be HER MOM. Transformed into Annie's Mom. And it's not that I have lost myself. Quite the opposite really. She found me.
- TPP
The Post Party reminded me of something that happened the other day.
I have been seeing my hairstylist for ten years. She and I are the same age and are on the same timeline with our lives. We married our guys and had children all within a few years of each other. Really - she is a good friend who I see every few months.
The other day I was sitting in her chair. We were discussing the owner of the salon and what a playboy he is and I mentioned that he is getting older and he should settle down and have some kids. I told her that whenever I talk to someone and they are on the fence about having kids I feel it necessary to convince them to do it because nobody should miss out on that wonderment. If you’re on the fence and there was ever a point in your life that you wanted kids you should absolutely, without a doubt, do it because you will never regret it. She said to me, “What…you? I remember you said, ‘I’m not having any kids. Why would I want to do that? I’ll be fine if I don’t have kids.’ Can you believe you ever said that now that you have a child?”
This morning the little guy climbed into our bed and immediately crawled in between us. We both went to put an arm around him, felt each other, and held hands across his body. Seeing this he placed his hand with ours and said, "We are all holding hands togever."
No - I cannot believe I ever said that.
- QS
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