Fargin' Toys R Us

The wife called me in a near state of panic today.

She has a lot on her professional plate, personal plate and social plate and, believe you me, those are three pretty big plates to keep spinning right now. . . while pregnant . . .

She wants to get the little Ditchman a Fozzy bear for her B-day.

Trouble is, where do you go to buy Muppet gear? Which is compounded by the fact that the Muppets were apparently bought by Disney recently. . .

I assured the wife that there was a Toys R Us near my office and I would head over and pick one up.

Uh. No.

First of all, Toys R Us buildings are some of the ugliest, most severe looking buildings I have ever seen (should've taken a pic - sorry). They seem to scream at you as you get out of the car, "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

The sliding automatic entrance doors were remarkably narrow - as if to prevent your immediate escape . . . .

I assumed that the store would be divided into categories and I was correct. Just to the right of the entrance was the board games. Fine. Good. Families getting together around the dinner table after dinner and whatnot . . .

And then EVERYTHING TURNED PINK! Welcome to BARBIE LAND! Many people have asked me if I have a preference for a boy or a girl and I honestly don't. I would love a little boy to wrestle with - to head out with the Dawg with on a "boys only day", to get dirty with and teach the ways of the world to.

But when I think about a little girl my eyes get watery and my heart begins to break a little . . .

Standing in the shadow of ULTIMATE BARBIE DOMINATION the thought lept into my mind completely unbidden . . . . I hope its a boy . . .

Of course I came to my senses.

We can train our daughter that "Toys R Us" is a swear word and that Barbie is the Antichrist . . .

But whoa . . .

Having made my escape from the clutches of Barbie, the next section was housewares. Everything you can think of associated with chores only small and plastic. There were toy kitchenette sets, toy vacume cleaners, toy ironing boards and irons etc . . .

Funny how there is a whole genre of toys that prepares children to be adults. Of course, that's probably not why the genre exists - little Sally sees mom and dad doing chores and wants to do what they do and the toy companies respond. Just as I was standing there pondering the effects toys may or may not have on a child's development, I saw this:

We are not exactly reaching for the developmental stars here, are we? Seriously, who buys this for their chidlren?

After that I was surprised to discover that TRU carried infant clothing, bottles, diapers, strollers, car seats and normal stuff that you actually need . . . provided you don't need a "Fozzy the Bear" - which they don't have . . .

Speaking of toys . . .

When I got home after work, I made the usual weekly blog rounds and was confronted by THIS.

Now, the parents are dear friends of ours and their child is a little Asian-American cherub . . . but seriously, are we going to need one of these?

It reminds me of something from "The Grinch That Stole Christmas"