It was as if the Department of Motor Vehicles had closed it's doors and advised everyone to head to Albertsons to search until they found something that sounds good for Thanksgiving.
It was madness. It was terrifying.
For the life of me, I cannot understand why two grown adults are incapable of navigating their shopping carts past one another in an aisle that is two-and-a-half shopping carts wide.
And what is with parking your cart in the middle of the aisle? And don't get me started on these goofy plastic shopping-cart-add-ons shaped like cars and buses and whales all intended to keep your dear, sweet child quiet because you lack the parental fortitude to do it yourself. AND THEN YOU TRY AND 180 THAT THING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE?!! TWO DAYS BEFORE THANKSGIVING??!!
Lest you think I am slipping into my usual holiday curmudgeonly blues or overstating a minor irritant as "terrifying"; consider this . . . that bumbling buffoon who cannot operate a 15 lb shopping cart at 2 1/2 miles an hour will soon be careening down the highway behind the wheel of a 3000lb SUV at 75 miles an hour - yapping on their cel phone while trying to cue up the dvd to get their kids to stop hitting one another while trying to figure out why the navigation screen keeps going all "funny" and "Oh, I almost spilled my Latte" all while switching lanes in front of you without warning . . .
If that doesn't get you to look over your shoulder the next time you're loading your groceries into your car I don't know what will . . .
Maybe we should have grocery store bouncers - not unlike the bartender, who when asked for another round for you and your boisterous friends, raises an eyebrow and asks, "Hold on now, which one of you is driving?"
"Hey! You! Yeah, you with the cart parked 90 degrees in the middle of the baking and spice aisle while you stagger around searching in vain for the hamburger helper - I am going to need to speak to your designated driver or I am going to need your car keys."
"And by the way, don't let me catch you in the liquor aisle again . . ."
Sheesh.
No comments:
Post a Comment