When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.
-Proverbs 10:19
In the past (maybe even in the present), others might have described me as "opinionated" and I wasn't, really. I just had a very clear and concise worldview that allowed me to boil the generalities of any situation into "yes" or "no". I wasn't opinionated - I was decisive (you decide if there is a difference).
My Christian faith has always been an important part of my life and for much of my life, I was actually paid as a speaker to deliver my opinions to others. My worldview was so well thought out (it really was) that even if I didn't have an opinion about something, if you asked for my opinion, I could manufacture one on the spot and defend it with zeal. I had knowledge but I had not walked through the crucible of fire that burns off the dross and leads to wisdom (I am not saying I am wise now, however).
It is not only flattering to be asked your opinion but it is empowering as well. To be asked your opinion is to be given a measure of control.
"Where do you want to go for dinner?"
"I want to go to XYZ"
All of a sudden you have skin in the game. You have staked out a position which you must defend.
Really? Do you have that much extra energy to expend on all these opinions? Of course the issues go deeper than dinner - we can talk religion, politics, money . . . but I don't have the energy. Generally speaking, I just don't have the energy anymore.
For reasons that need to be addressed in a different post, there is something about intense suffering that strips away your NEED to have an OPINION about EVERYTHING. It's not that "I don't care". I just don't care enough to bleed over it. Yes, I "care" but I rarely feel "strongly" these days.
I DO NOT NEED TO HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT EVERYTHING IN LIFE!
And since I do not need to have an opinion about everything in life, I find that dogmatic lines are blurred. I have very little use for labels anymore and consequently, I have very little use for labels that you may want to ascribe to me. Am I fat? Sorta. Am I built? Kinda. Am I lazy? A little. Am I athletic? In a way. And so on. Am I conservative? On some things. Am I liberal? Kinda. Am I Christian? YES (but I'm lousy at it). Yes, I teach an adult Sunday School class but I don't really enjoy it and am surprised every week when they don't "fire" me.
A few weeks ago, I walked out of Target and there were a couple of people collecting signatures for a voter initiative; "Sir, are you in favor of gay marriage?" they asked. To which I replied, "You know, I don't feel strongly about it either way". They stood there in stunned silence as I walked past.
=And "no" I am not going to explain my position on gay marriage so don't bother emailing me about it - "I don't have strong feelings about that"=
And spare me all the, "All that is required for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing" BS. I have opinions. I just don't have as MANY opinions.
More and more, I find myself just shrugging, and saying, "I don't have strong feelings about that". It's not that I "don't care" it's just that I don't care enough to go down that forensic road with you at this moment. I have prioritized my emotional energy and I find that on most days "I don't have strong feelings about" whether we order from Round Table or Papa John's.
What I feel strongly about is that there is some sort of pizza here within the hour - you all work out the details . . . and I am happy to chip in . . .
5 comments:
That made me smile. You're probably the first person who has ever told them you don't have strong feelings about gay marriage, lol. I understand what you mean though. I see people who will argue to their death about something as silly as whether a car seat is rear or forward facing, or how another woman should give birth. Really? Meh, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't much matter.
Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath -James 1:19
In my past when someone upset me I would spit their shoes. I don't do that as much now that I'm reading my bible.
Oh this is an excellent post, and similar to the way I have felt often lately. Nice!
Dear sir, I could have written this ENTIRE post, word for word. Except that I was a worship leader at a mega church and not a leader of an adult Sunday school class. All the rest though, all of it, I could have written. For reals.
People still think I am really opinionated. In fact, my brother in law said something of the like this summer when we were all together and I asked him if he could remember the last time I blasted anyone with my opinion. I told him I had been working on that for over a year and felt much less strongly about most things these days. He thought back and realized that yes, I indeed had been WAY less opinionated. People still think of me that way though, and sometimes I think they always will.
But you know what? I don't feel very strongly about that. :)
Rachel - that is the real challenge. People tend to make up their mind about who you are and when you change, they don't know how to let go of the old "you". It takes a lot of patience with people that are closest to you.
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