I think I have circled the emotional wagons on this latest episode but I won't lie - I think about it ALL DAY LONG . . . I'm just not lashing out at people and God as much this week.
We should hear by the end of next week when Annie's evaluation will be - we may have to institute a GO ANNABELLE day for this one - I will keep you posted.
I took Annie to a PT appointment yesterday and was sharing with the therapist that someone in our medical "team" had used the "A" word. She got very quiet and said, "Well, it's not a diagnosis yet and there are infinite levels of autism". I told her I was having a really hard time dealing with it and she looked at me as one who has talked with many parents before me and said, "I'm so sorry".
Of course, that's when Annie got frustrated with her exercises and started slapping her own forehead in frustration. "Whoa!", exclaimed the therapist and she looked at me and we were both thinking the same thing damned thing. If Annie had done this last week in therapy, we would have thought, "Huh, that's weird". But now that the "a" word has been spoken, the response has changed from "Huh . . " to "Whoa!".
Of Course . . .
- Annie is still the bright beautiful wee-one we have always known her to be
- We love and adore her as much as ever
- We don't have a diagnosis so we shouldn't get carried away imagining boogy-men
However . . .
Being a dad trying to keep perspective on all this feels like trying to hold back the tide with a spoon . . . and it ain't as easy as it looks . . .
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
8 comments:
It has never been easy for me to express my thoughts in written word, so I normally choose to keep quite. However, I feel compelled to let you know, to make SURE you know that my thoughts, prayers, tears and fist pounding's are with you and your family always.
My thoughts and prayers are with your family. I'm sorry you have to deal with 'another' thing. If Annie is diagnosed with autism, early intervention is key to her success. I work with autistic pre-schoolers (in an El Cajon school) and LOVE LOVE LOVE my job! There are many good schools out this way. Of course, our hope and prayer is that she does NOT have it and that we worried for nothing, right? Either way she's a beautiful, bright little ray of sunshine and will do just fine.
Blessings to you and your family.
Matt, you are all in my prayers, almost always, but especially right now. I pray for strength and patience for you and Holly as you wait it out, and for the best possible outcome for Annabelle.
I am SO INCREDIBLY THANKFUL you came back.
I think Wes expresses his thoughts in written word pretty darn well, don't you? He knows exactly how I feel because I think of you guys every day.
I love you.
You guys, seriously, we are praying for you and thinking about you ALL THE TIME.
I hope and pray that you won't get the diagnosis you fear, but no matter what happens, you won't be doing any of this alone. And neither will Annie.
Much love to you guys.
If you can think of anything we can do for you, please just ask. Anything.
Thinking of, praying for, shedding a tear, and waiting with you, though we've never met.
Give yourself permission to grieve and grieve how ever long it takes, then, arise and fight again! God will never love her less, neither will her family and friends, disregarding any "evaluation" by doctors. Go Annabelle, you are loved!
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