Traveling Tails

I know, I have been terrible at keeping people up-to-date. As some may know, I now have a new job that requires me to travel every other week. Which means I am home one week and then I head out on Monday and return Friday the following week. It’s actually a pretty decent gig. It’s still WORK and so comes with all the usual frustrations and I almost NEVER have time to see any sights (unless you consider airports and hotel rooms sights). Places I have been to so far?: St. Louis, MO – Albuquerque, NM – Phoenix, AZ – Salt Lake City, UT – Denver, CO.

So let this be considered the first installment of "Traveling Tails".

First topic of consideration? Boarding and de-planeing.

Let me start by saying, “I get it”. People want to be first. First on, first off, first to get to baggage claim, first to leave baggage claim blah blah blah . . . . I understand, it is a natural human tendency. To me, these people are the equivalent of the lane-changers in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

I KNOW WHAT THE INSIDE OF A PLANE LOOKS LIKE AND I AM IN NO HURRY TO SEE IT AGAIN. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU PUSH AND SHOVE, YOU BAG WILL HIT BAGGAGE CLAIM WHEN IT HITS IT AND NOT A SECOND SOONER.

Which means, when the boarding starts, that’s my cue to hit the men’s room. Usually by the time I am back, it is just me and the gate attendant. I travel alone so what do I care where I sit?

Here’s a tip: Many people travelling together will take the window and aisle seat – leaving the middle seat between them. When you board last, look for people who may be a couple – ask to take the middle seat and inevitably the person on the aisle will shrug, take the middle seat next to their loved one and leave the aisle to you.

So aaaaannnnyyyy waaaaaaayyyy . . . . I board last and I take my chances.

The other side of this is, I see no reason to leap from my seat as soon as the plane hits the gate only to stand in the aisle like some sort of schmuck. I keep my seat, when it comes my time to move I look to see if anyone around me needs assistance and then I make my way to freedom.

So on a recent flight I boarded last, I took the middle seat and endured the flight. Upon landing, the aisle schumck to my right LEAPS up and into the aisle as if it will make one bit of difference. I keep my seat, power up the phone, let the wife know I am safe and sound . . . that’s when the window schmuck, overcome by his schmuckiness, stands up – bent-over – under the over-head panel. HE'S JUST STANDING THERE - BENT OVER - GLOWERING AT ME.

Keep in mind, we are so far back in the pack that we can’t even SEE people in motion at the front of the plane yet. I just smile to myself at the lunacy of it all. That’s when window schmuck, not content to be standing doubled over, attempts to crane his arm over me and up around into the overhead bin so that he can grab his carry-on . . . FIRST!

10 minutes later, it came our turn to get up and get out.

Saw the guy at baggage claim – he was still waiting for his luggage as I headed out to pick up my rental car.

Guess he should have boarded sooner . . . .

What a schmuck.