I have learned that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more
- CS Lewis
A couple of years back, I received an email from a close (married) relative which said, "One of us has come down with a terminal illness which typically shortens a person's lifespan. We won't go into more detail as complaining never helps anyone and we are trusting in the Lord for healing."
This may be THE MOST IDIOTIC EMAIL I HAVE EVER RECEIVED.
First of all, people who love you want to know what is going on with you - the good, bad and ugly. Secondly, sharing your struggles has the power to give those behind you strength. For centuries people have found comfort in the book of Job, Psalms and Lamentations (that's right, the Bible has a book called "Lamentations" in it). The reason people find comfort is that they discover that they are not alone in their sufferings - they are not the only ones who doubt and question.
One of the most devastating aspects of suffering is the feeling of isolation. When you can connect with a person who says, "I have traveled this road and I know how you feel", there is great comfort and healing there.
In an ironic twist, those who keep a "stiff upper lip" and refuse to share honestly about their struggles may be the most selfish of all - no one benefits from their story because they arrogantly and selfishly refuse to share it. And don't get me started on people who believe we should always be happy for the good of society - that way lies madness.
Here are a couple of stories that came my way recently that illustrate the point:
Don't Carpe Diem
To The Mother With Only One Child
Consider Your Local Scottish Rite Center
2 weeks ago
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5 comments:
Those were excellent, excellent posts. I'm so glad I took the time to read them. I now have one more motto to quiet my mind when things get crazy - Chronos and Kairos.
Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself.
Thomas Jefferson
Though it would be a devastating proposition to face, I had to giggle at your relative's letter and at your response to it. So vague, so cryptic. How did that turn out, by the way?
They never spoke of it again so I have no idea. I get that some people are more private and I respect that - I just don't think it helps anyone else by being so.
The 'Carpe' article was so excellent, I am going to send it to all of my parent friends. I have never read anything that so eloquently summed up my feelings on mothering. Being a person who is constantly accused of being negative, I needed someone to articulate it for me. By the way, my mom tried to keep three major medical issues a secret from her children--as a symbol of bravery, martyrdom, who knows? When I found out I gave her what for.
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