Incoherant Ramblings from a First-Time Father of an Extraordinary Daughter, along with Musings on Life, Food, Books, Entertainment, Running (heh - yeah, right) and Poetry all with a Lousy Dawg
Those who believe they believe in God, but without passion of the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself.
Hot days, stormy nights
I was calling to apologize 'bout last night
Now baby don't you go away
Fact is, I really want to be with you
And I know, I hardly ever show that to you
But I really want to let you know
Let you know
Things are much better when we're together
I'm not so fond of all these long days
Even longer nights
Things are much better when we're together
We're trying so hard not to get it wrong
We can't get it right
And I'm really sorry 'bout last night
About last night
I know I have been blind
'Cause you were right in front of me all the time
And I never even let you know
And now, you're really gone
I just wish I knew the number of the cloud that you're on
'Cause I really want to let you know
Let you know
Things are much better when we're together
I'm not so fond of all these long days
Even longer nights
Things are much better when we're together
We're trying so hard not to get it wrong
We can't get it right
And I'm really sorry 'bout last night
About last night
19-year-old Kevin Roose was a sophomore at Brown University when he landed an intern gig with author AJ Jacobs while Jacobs was working on his book: The Year of Living Biblically. It was this experience that revealed to Roose he had little to no experience, knowledge or understanding concerning evangelical Christians. So he decided to take a semester off from Brown to study abroad. By "abroad" he meant Jerry Falwell's Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia - the largest evangelical University in the world.
During his semester, Roose struggles with the ethical implications of pretending to be an evangelical when he is not. He sings in Jerry Falwell's church choir, participates in prayer groups and makes friends - all with the intent of deciphering the inner workings of evangelical Christianity and eventually writing a book about his experience.
Things take a strange turn when Kevin requests and is granted the opportunity to interview Jerry Falwell for the school newspaper. The article is a success - so much so that when Jerry Falwell dies in his office shortly after Roose's article is published, it is his article that is reproduced in the tens of thousands and handed out at the funeral. Receiving calls from news outlets, Kevins Roose is faced with going from conflicted secular impostor to spokesperson for Liberty University.
I found the book fascinating and frustrating. I believe Roose gives fair treatment to Liberty University (the good and the bizarre) and I was glad to have read The Unlikely Disciple.
All dogs and children awaiting
his flat ascending steps
up the steepest hill
for miles around,
hunched over, hands deep
into the jingle of his pockets
full of keys and key chain,
change purse, small change,
clean hanky, subway tokens, Tums
and Lifesavers or better yet,
Chicklets, or cough-drops, or gum
he'd give some to any grandchild
who could spell his word for the day
or who had learned another verse
from Proverbs or the Psalms
with his good felt hat in his hand
and his jacket folded neatly
over the other shoulder,
and his always white shirt
and his pin for perfect attendance
in the too wide lapel
of his second best suit
and his braces, belt
with initialed buckle,
vest, vest-chain, fob,
collar-stays, tie-pin,
cuff-links, Parker pen
and pencil set, glasses case,
address book and billfold
and if it was a Sunday
his best blue suit
and his bible, the small one,
and a white boutonniere
for his mother who was dead
and the envelopes for the offering.
She lifts her skirt up to her knees,
walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing.
I never learned to count my blessings,
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters.
I walk on down the hill,
through grass, grown tall and brown
and still its hard somehow to let go of my pain.
On past the busted back of that old and rusted Cadillac
that sinks into this field, collecting rain.
Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged.
And of these cut-throat busted sunsets,
these cold and damp white mornings
I have grown weary.
If through my cracked and dusted dime-store lips
I spoke these words out loud would no one hear me?
Lay your blouse across the chair,
let fall the flowers from from your hair
and kiss me with that country mouth, so plain.
Outside, the rain is tapping on the leaves,
to me it sounds like they're applauding us the the quiet love we've made.
Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged.
Well I looked my demons in the eyes,
laid bare my chest, said "Do your best, destroy me.
You see, I've been to hell and back so many times,
I must admit you kind of bore me."
There's a lot of things that can kill a man,
there's a lot of ways to die,
listen, some already did that walked beside me.
There's a lot of things I don't understand,
why so many people lie.
Its the hurt I hide that fuels the fire inside me.
Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged.
I wish there was no such thing as war and yet, as long as there have been humans, war has been a reality. I don't see that changing any time soon. I confess that I find war fascinating; the public reasons and how they intersect with the private reasons; the stories of people who volunteer to go to war in an "appropriate way" and how their training and expectations collide with reality. It is one of the crucibles of human existence and yet what is gold and what is dross is open to interpretation.
This American Life is one of my favorite podcasts and they had a doosey on the Iraq / Afghanistan wars. The program historically leans left-of-center but I thought they made a fair treatment in this episode and it really struck me:
I noticed the same thing from watching hours of Pat Robertson’s 700 Club. Sometimes you’ll get a crazy “Let’s assassinate Hugo Chavez”–type comment. But a lot of it is indistinguishable from standard morning TV: an interview with a gospel singer, or a health segment on the club’s weekly “Skinny Wednesday” feature (the wackiest thing I learned there was that Robertson has a side business in “age-defying protein pancakes”). That’s the big secret: The radical wing of the Christian right is a lot more boring than its liberal detractors would have you believe.
Japan's Nuclear Boy passed gas - sorta like America's 3-Mile Island Boy. Japanese doctors are working around the clock to keep Nuclear Boy from fully crapping his pants - like Russia's Chernobyl Boy
Seriously, If you had to write a newspaper headline based on this video, what would you go with? "Japanese Prime Minister says 'We are trying to keep our S*it together'" . . .
"World prays that reactor does not take a dump" . . . .
My dad smoked a pipe constantly. Cherry flavored tobacco from Thrifty Drug was his weapon of choice. He also ordered tobacco which came in round tins and we kept the little plastic discs to our disc guns in them.
My dad smelled of pipe tobacco, my toys smelled of pipe tobacco, our house, our cars, smelled of pipe tobacco; and it is a happy memory. Although my parents divorced when I was eight, I never saw them argue. I never saw them fight. No one in our house ever raised their voice. It was a happy time. It was a time that smelled of cherry flavored pipe tobacco.
My first step-father smoked two packs of unfiltered Lucky Strikes a day. My second step-father smoked pipes constantly - harsh, English-style tobacco. These were not happy times.
Statistically, given my upbringing, I should be a chain-smoker. All three of my brothers are - I am not. During college in 1991-1992, when I was trying to make sense of my childhood, I bought a pipe and some sweet-smelling tobacco and smoked it on the cliffs of my conservative-Christian university overlooking the Pacific Ocean (an expellable offence). As the comforting smells of childhood washed over me, I cried until I had no more tears to cry.
From time imemorable, humans have offered up burnt sacrifices to the god of their choosing. I have known hemp-wearing folk who rail against second-hand smoke in restaurants who go home and light incense and relish the look and smell of the smoke. Who among us does not enjoy the smell of a fireplace or the smoke-filled memories saturating their clothes after a beach bonfire with friends the night before?
Let's be honest, second-hand smoke doesn't bother people - OTHER PEOPLE's second-hand smoke bothers people . . .
This is my pipe:
It's not fancy or expensive, but it is mine. I rarely bring it out. $3 of tobacco will last me 6-12 months. But I do love it. A pipe is different from a cigar or a cigarette. Where a cigar might be a tiki torch (light it and let it go) a pipe is like a campfire; it requires attention, stoking and care to keep it lit. Although I was never a Boy Scout, I imagine that the satisfaction I get from a one-match pipe is no less than that from an Eagle-scout's one-match campfire.
It is so elemental. Fire and fuel, air and smoke. To feel the warmth of the bowl in your hand and watch the smoke dance and waft in the still air - it brings me back to center. It reminds me of all that once was good and clears my head of the things that are preoccupying me. When I sit back and enjoy a pipe, there is a release of tension, an infusion of calm and a clearing of the decks, so to speak. I love the look, the feel, the smell. I love the way my clothes smell the next day. Like I said, I don't smoke often - maybe once every month or so - but when I do, I wonder why I don't more often.
There is more to life than exercise, lentils and brown rice. If an occasional pipe isn't good for me, then I don't know what is.
If you don't like my fire, then don't come around. 'Cause I'm gonna burn one down . . .
well nothing broke your fall and so you fell down like concrete angels like a nickel to the well dragging a wish for silence
and friends all stand around and shake their heads and ask how it could be that nothing broke your fall and so you fell
nothing broke your fall and so you fell a heart so heavy with the drink like ophelia to the deep in truth more strange than fiction
before the morning starts again all desperate times and desperate men still nothing broke your fall and so you fell well nothing broke your fall and so you fell
heaven hold your broken sprit now if that’s what you believed in from a house of brittle things and from a room of splinters
still tiny minded thoughts I think someone else will fix my drinks tonight since nothing broke your fall and so you fell
I have OCD (notice I did not say "suffer from"). My father, on the other hand, suffers. He is a step below Jack Nicholson's character in "As Good as it Gets".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44DCWslbsNM
I have learned a few things about OCD. For one, it has both a genetic and an environmental component. In other words, partially hereditary. I have also learned that OCD is an anxiety disorder meaning that obsessive-compulsives experience additional stress in day-to-day living because of the condition.
Fortunately, I know I have OCD and am able to keep a lid on it most of the time. I know that my desire for order goes beyond the bounds of what is socially acceptable and so I have learned some coping mechanisms. One is willful blindness. I have decided that (with the exception of special events) sweeping the house is not my concern. I do plenty of other chores (including windows) and for whatever reason, the floors is one of the places I have drawn a line. So I simply willfully ignore the dog hair and dirt until someone else gets around to sweeping.
But there are times, when I have the house to myself for a few days, that I hand the car keys to my disorder and say, "She's got a full tank of gas - lett'er rip!). this is one of those times. The wife and child are out of town visiting family for a few weeks and I have been in OCD overdrive. The entire house is dusted, the bathroom and kitchen are scrubbed, the laundry and dishes are done, the floor (yes, even the floors) have been swept and mopped, the yard work is done, the windows are sparkling clean (mostly), the dawgs have been bathed, my email inbox is empty and the budget is done (it sorta bothers me that the garbage cans in the driveway are not completely empty but trash day isn't until Wednesday . . .).
But here's the thing with OCD, once your life is ordered, you no longer have excuses to not do the more important things. Like writing (for instance) or going to the gym etc. The house is clean, ordered, peaceful - now what? So today is a turning point of sorts - I am out of excuses.
Well . . . not today. It's Sunday after all and I plan on enjoying a day of rest.
(But I have promised myself I can dust one surface and clean one window tomorrow . . . you gotta have something to look forward to! . . .)
This book has caught my eye a number of times but I always figured it was just a little too hokey. On the recommendation of a friend, I picked it up and totally enjoyed it.
A. J. Jacobs is an agnostic of Jewish descent. He decides he is going to spend an entire year living the Bible as literally as possible - which leads to some hilarious interactions with his wife, family and one particularly cranky senior citizen in Central Park.
Throughout the year, A.J. Assembles a team of counselors consisting of a Priest, a pastor and a Rabbi to advise him. He visits snake handlers in the South, Amish in the North and even makes a pilgrimage to the Holy Lands.
I found the book entertaining, fascinating and, in the end, heartwarming. I would highly recommend it.
Teaser:
The shepherd is a Bedouin man in his twenties wearing a red sweater and an orange jacket. He is shy and quiet, but in keeping with Middle Eastern hospitality, he invites me to tend with him. We stand side by side, watching the sheep graze. I expected shepherding to be a silent occupation, but it’s not. The sound of two hundred sheep chomping grass is surprisingly noisy. And that’s not to mention the constant b-a-a-a-ing. And lambs do say just that: “B-a-a-a-a-a.” It reminds me of how Julie sneezes; she lets out an “Ah-choo!” as if she’s reading from a script. The shepherd does not have a flute or harp or staff (the hook-shaped instrument). But he does have a rod. He carries a black rubber tube that looks like it might have once been part of a tractor. I ask through the translator, “What do you do with the rod?” “It’s just for appearance,” he admits. I love that. Even shepherds are concerned with superficial things. I ask him a few other questions. “How long have you been doing this?” “Two years.” “Is the black sheep really rebellious?” “No, it acts the same way as the white sheep.” “Do you like being a shepherd?” “Yes, very much.” And then the conversation dies. Which is a relief to him, and OK by me. We just stroll along silently, listening to the chomping and b-a-a-a-ing.
O, I believe Fate smiled and destiny Laughed as she came to my cradle Know this child will be able Laughed as she came to my mother Know this child will not suffer Laughed as my body she lifted Know this child will be gifted With love, with patience and with faith She'll make her way - Natalie Merchant
Please consider leaving a comment on a post that prompts you so that everyone can benefit. If you would like to e-mail me, I can be reached at Matthew.M.Linden@Gmail.com